Reflective Entry Week 11 – Presencing

I would like to express gratitude to Ingrid and Grichka for their supportive, cooperative and enthusiastic involvement all through the coaching calls. We as a team understood and learned enormously from each other.

My role as a coachee:

For this coaching call, we decided to begin the conversation in the morning. We started with Grichka and me as the coach and coachee respectively. Ingrid was our observer. We discussed about the way we tried to find our “authentic self”. We discussed in detail about the blending of sensing and presencing. It means to connect with the source of the highest future possibility and bring it into the present. Moreover, we discussed about the simple distinction between sensing and presencing. Later, I elaborated on the distinction as follows; sensing means acting from the current situation whereas; presencing is operating from the future, in other words future possibility that is seeking to emerge.

During the presencing, we tried to find the authentic self? For that we tried to answer few questions like, how do you think you “should” be? , What is the main aim of your life? We often find it difficult to answer such questions. In the discussion we concluded that it is impossible to judge yourself unless you know yourself truly. Each individual has his own way of thinking and thought process as a result people can’t understand themselves fully. There are various reasons due to which people are not able to judge or understand their needs, perception, thoughts, behaviour, personality and actions. Due to which, these individuals fail to know themselves completely.

Therefore, in order to find a solution for all the above failures, it is important to know yourself. And to know your authentic self one must dig deep down his/her own thoughts. All of us agreed that – it needs time, practice and energy, however the results are much greater than the investments.

My role as a coach:

I was coaching Ingrid, I observed that her way of thinking and finding her authentic self was completely different from mine. She had a strong opinion about rights for men and women. We discussed this was the implication of the society. Moreover, she elaborated that it is really difficult to find the authentic self with people you do not know well. Furthermore, we discussed the solutions to overcome above mention issue. One of which was to create a circle of presence, which means, it is required to have people around you who support you in the pursuit of deeper questions and challenges thus helping you unfold your journey.

Otherwise, he/she should develop a collective cultivating practice which brings intentional silence. Generative dialogues that provide access to deeper source of awareness and attention in daily life or routine are often a great deal of help. This is a gateway to connect and realise deeper source of collective creativity.

My role as an Observer:

All through my role as an observer for Ingrid and Grichka, I observed closely that – Being in a deeper state of mind, we enter a state of fundamental freedom and we gain the capacity to create and imagine our own thoughts. In this process we reach the highest stage of being our own authentic self. We achieve the power of operating from our highest future Self; At this point, we just want to be our own authentic self, and not be carried away by others thoughts. We don’t want to feel the stress and we don’t want to compete or be compared with anyone.

Thus Inner reflection can be frightening, but it will help us to discover our authentic self.

To conclude – I want to state the quotation by Bernice Johnson – “Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.”

Have a wonderful week!

Best regards,

Abhinav Shrivastava

Feedbacks on coaching cession - Week 10

My role as a coachee:

For this coaching cession I noticed that I was very receptive to what my coach was saying. I think this is due to the fact that Ingrid improved a lot in coaching people. Indeed, now she notices very interesting and relevant points. I really realize that she adds value to what I’m saying, speaking from another perspective. It makes me think about the analogy of the elephant: all blind people in the room  touch a part of the elephant and are convinced that they are right about what is present in the room (trunk, tail, leg, …) but nobody sees the real picture: the elephant. During the last coaching cession my coach made me see my personality from another angle. For instance when I was trying to define who I am I was focusing too much on the future and not on the past at all (we saw in class that this was a risk of field 4 conversations) which I think now is a mistake: how can I know who I am and who I want to be if I don’t know who I was? She made me realize that when I was projecting myself in the future I was only doing it through the “job prism” and not through the personal life aspect. And finally she suggested me to do more inquiry about myself concerning why it is harder for me to presence when I’m around people.

My role as a coach:

I really enjoyed coaching Abhinav for that last coaching cession. It was very interesting because now we are starting to know each other. Indeed, in the different life experiences he was talking about I could have told he was Abhinav even if I couldn’t have seen his face and recognized his voice. Some elements of his personality are sticking to his reactions, no matter the kind of conversation we have. I’m glad I can notice that because it proves me I’m paying attention to what he is saying. That shows I am really listening. The same thing happened when I was observing Abhinav coaching Ingrid, I could see that some elements of her personality where coming at each coaching cession (her lack of confidence for instance), Abhinav noticed it too and tried to suggest her ways to work on that. I’m really glad we all improved our coach skills together!! I have the feeling the whole team and I improved on the 5 processes of coaching: listening, mirroring, summarizing, questioning and catalyzing. Nevertheless mirroring is still the part I have to work on harder. Indeed, I feel comfortable at mirroring with my partners because I know them now but I’m not sure I would be that good and that confident with someone I have never talked with. Finally, I want to add that I can feel that coaching requires a lot of energy BUT it really gives you energy back when you can tell you helped your partners. I also realized that coaching can be done in our everyday life and I’m going to keep doing it.

Thanks to my team members for that whole cession of coaching J

Week 11 - Reflective Entry

My role as a coach:

This time I realized that finding questions wasn’t difficult. Usually this has been almost a stress factor for me, because I was always so preoccupied with making sure that I was asking the right questions and the questions that matter. Over time this has become increasingly easier, as I’ve been able to relax more and to get familiar with the process. And this time it was almost like the questions came to me. This week’s assignment is very intriguing and personal, and we all have different aspects to share. I found my coachee’s story interesting, his perspective of this assignment differed from mine and I wanted to learn why this was the case. I was able to ask clarifying questions, and I felt my questions also provided some reflections for my coahee. My coachee had focused a lot on his authentic self within the work life, and I asked him to clarify why, and also to reflect more on his personal life. This lead me to realize that his wish to change the functions of the industry in fact was part of his personal beliefs, and that he felt this could best be accomplished through his work life.

We were also able to reflect around his experience with presencing. He talked about a certain point during the exercise where he felt that he was truly presencing, and felt that in this moment he could have listened very well to a potential coachee. Then I asked if he had been in this state of mind around people before. We reflected a bit around this, because the concept of presencing is relatively new to all of us, and so it was somewhat challenging to think of a situation where this might have happened in the past, before we knew about the concept. All in all, I felt I was able to utilize the five key processes in a constructive manner during this session. The process of catalyzing however, I still find somewhat challenging.

My role as a coachee:

As a coachee, I was asked specifically about my comment about equal rights for men and women. For me this was an example in regards to my reflection around whether or not I am able to “walk the talk”. It was to show that I worry about my actions not conveying my thoughts.

We also talked about my fear of upsetting people. Could upsetting people perhaps be a good thing? If they are truly mistaken and they are upsetting others, perhaps they need to have an attitude adjustment? And although I do agree with this, when I talk back to people in an aggressive tone, I always feel so guilty after. Thus leading me to try to avoid this feeling, by avoiding uncomfortable situations.

I was also asked about whether or not this fear of what other people think about me is hindering my potential. And I would have to say yes to this. If I have an idea, that I think is good and might work, but I worry about what other people might think, I may decide to not share this idea with other team members. This is of course a problem, and something that I need to work through, in order for me to become more secure and also more aligned with myself - more in harmony. I need to find a way to relax more around people in order for me to be m authentic self around others.

Ingrid Elisabeth Sørensen

Week 11 - Coaching Assignment - Option One: Solo Presencing

Early morning on Wednesday, I went to the park near the university. It was a pleasant morning. I felt the cold breeze and water droplets. I sat on the wooden bench in the park. There was no disturbance, no traffic and no noise. I sensed the calmness of the atmosphere. I observed and admired the beauty of the nature. Afterwards, I started noticing the breathing sensation. I felt the sensation of the deep breaths. I was feeling more comfortable and composed as the time passes away. I made myself more comfortable on the wooden bench. I kept my arms opened and relaxed myself on the side arm of the wooden bench. I kept my legs straight and relaxed the body from top to bottom. I felt myself at the most ease state. While, I was looking at the sky I thought about my authentic self? Who am I? Suddenly, I felt perplexed. There were no thoughts in my mind. For some time, I was blank and my heartbeats started getting faster. I saw the cloudiness in my thoughts. There were numerous feelings coming and departing. I found myself in the flash back of my life. I observed that my thoughts or beliefs are flooding and heart and mind not able to comprehend them completely. I started think myself as a scientist or musician. I thought that I was good in scientific studies or I find myself more involved when I played my guitar. However, I was too much confused in my own thoughts. I can’t found my identity. I started finding clauses about my own traits. What is my unique persona? Am I too rigid with other? Why I can’t see myself as a gentleman? Why my thoughts are overridden with lot of negativity. Am I actually a positive person? I always looked at the brighter side of the situation, but why I am not so confident in my thoughts. Some forces or old bad memory of mine was not allowing me to move forward. After sometime, I felt the heaviness in my head and veins near the temple of forehead underway pumping too quickly. I tried to convince myself that I am unique, I possess many qualities. I am a resemblance to my parents. I am convinced by traditional values and cultural back background etc. I concluded that my personality is a sum of my culture, society, educational backgrounds, experience and situation that I had faced. I felt that I had learned many things from my experiences and I am getting stronger day by day as I am facing different aspect of life. I thought that experience was a hard teacher; it takes test first and teaches the lesson afterwards. I felt the old memories of my school days. I was thinking how fast time passed away. I also visualized some of my old memories. I was satisfied and felt the calmness in my thoughts. After sometime I was feeling restless and sad, I was actually thinking about unnatural death of my close relative. I was trying to realize and comprehend the terrible situation of their family. Subsequently, I felt relaxed recapped how my family helped them to come out of mourning. I was also thinking about my volunteering work. I remembered the days, when I was involved in Help-age service. I recalled how we visited the old homes and distributed cloths and fruits to grandparents. I realised the presence of past, future and my authentic self; there co-presence made me to experience a profound shift, I felt the change of the place from which I operate. I felt inspired thinking about my volunteering and charitable work. I was able to sum up my personality more clearly. I felt satisfied and contented thinking and realizing the authenticity of my life. I realized the power of presencing. I saw the blending of sensing and presence, and the connection helped me to realize my true identity. I observed that presencing provide a deep threshold there needs to be crossed in order to connect to one’s real source of presence, creativity and power. In the whole process I felt the three stages such as – current field, emerging field of future and my presence of authentic Self.

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful day!!

Best Regards,

Abhinav Shrivastava

Week 11 - Coaching Assignment - Option One: Solo Presencing

Today was a windy day. I found myself a place nearby the residence and sat outside, free from any distractions. In the beginning I just sat there, taking in my surroundings; the wind blowing, the cars passing in the distance, people hurrying to their next obligation. Then I started to notice how my breathing was kind of controlled. I had been walking for a few minutes before I sat down, so it felt almost like my breathing was “determined” and had a purpose. Then I started to notice how I was sitting; back straight, legs together, both feet on the ground, hands in my lap. All in all, a very tense position. I decided to change it, and try the meditation position. My back was still straight, but now it felt more natural. In a way the position opened me up. And after a while my breathing started to change as well – it became slower, and I felt more relaxed. I took deeper and fewer breaths than earlier. Before doing this exercise I had been stressing about everything I had to do. Breathing slower, and just sitting there and taking in all the expressions from around me helped. I felt calmer. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head. Then all of a sudden a gust of wind came up from behind me, and I felt it push me forward. I think I sat for at least a couple of minutes just letting myself move with the wind.

I noticed I was holding hands with myself. Mostly to warm them I suppose, but at the same time there was also something safe about it. And that’s when I asked myself “what is my authentic self?” I tried to think about what this question truly means. What decides what my authentic self is? Is it my thoughts? My qualities? My personality? My actions? Or is it a combination of all these factors? If I believe in equal rights for men and women, but my actions don’t convey my thoughts, which part of this is me? And does this in return reflect my personality or my qualities?

These thoughts made me feel somewhat uncomfortable, because it made me feel like I should be doing more than I’m doing today. I have the opportunity to make a difference, so why am I not taking it? I got a knot in my stomach, wondering if I was truly being myself, or if I wasn’t living up to my true potential. I thought more about my quiet nature, and how I had always envied those that dared to be louder. Why wasn’t that me? If I tried to be loud, I would worry about offending others or worry about what they thought of me. I started thinking about what this said about me; I am quiet. I worry about other people’s emotions. I don’t wish to upset anyone. This leads me to become very cautious. But is being cautious necessarily a bad thing? Perhaps I should embrace it? Because it also brings about some good qualities – compassion, thoroughness, kindness. Perhaps if I wish to move forward I need to accept the qualities that I already have, and perhaps try and develop them further.

Being cautious is reflected in all aspects of my life, both professional and personal. I need time to let my guard down and to let someone in. But when I do, I completely trust this person and I feel completely safe around him or her. Even though it takes me a while to get to this point, when I do get there, it is really freeing and satisfying. And I think it is in these types of situations where I am most aligned with my authentic self. All the aspects I mentioned earlier (my thoughts, qualities, personality and actions) align with each other. There is harmony and I feel at peace.

When thinking about my authentic self, I also thought about who I want to be in the future. How I want my actions to show more of who I truly am. Then I started to wonder why I was thinking about making changes in the future and not in the present? I realized that when thinking about the future, it’s always easy to say that “one day, I will do this and that”. And I usually always find excuses to postpone important life changes. But if I truly want to progress, and to move forward, I need to grab onto what I want in life and make it happen. The only difficult part of this is that I’m still not quite sure of who I really am. This is a big question, and I think we spend most of our lives trying to figure this out. But by being more active and focusing on figuring out what you want and how to achieve it, I think we can come closer to our goal and at the same time truly experience ourselves and our abilities.

These 30 minutes in nature was interesting. I felt more relaxed, reflected and calm. And as I started on the way back to my dorm room (the sun appearing just as I saw the entrance to the residence), I thought that even though these minutes may not suffice in discovering my authentic self, it was a starting point. Being without distractions enables you to really think about deeper questions that are easy to avoid in your daily life. It opens your mind and makes you more aware of how you present yourself and how you truly feel about certain aspects of your life.

Ingrid Elisabeth Sørensen

Reflective entry about Field 4

Because it was -7°C outside I didn’t go outside to do the exercise of this coaching cession but I found a calm place with a good view in my building. I started to relax. I noticed that for me it is easier to relax when I’m sitting in the cross-legged way. It has always been that way. When I was relaxed I tried to think and to focus about who I am, I really tried hard not to think about my past. Sometimes my mind rambled so I had to focus again on what I was thinking again. I realized that I’m never doing that: taking deep moments of reflection about myself. I really want to do it more in order to know myself better.  But that process it hard, it really takes a lot of energy but I think that in a long term perspective it can help me to figure out who I really am.

Right now is the perfect period for me to do that exercise because I’m going to be graduated very soon and I don’t know what I want to do, partly because I don’t know who I am. The main thing which I thought about was I want to do meaningful things in my life (and more particularly in my professional life). I don’t want to only occupy a function. While I was reflecting the main image which came into my mind was to change the world and in particular the business practices. It was the feeling I had in the background of my precise thoughts. It wasn’t a clear image but just a “mental feeling”. On top of that I had more precise thoughts about me traveling and involving myself professionally in different cultures. The main feeling I had was that this whole concept of changing how the business world is ruled was possible. I really had the feeling that, in the future, I could reach it. The main mean to do so appeared to be discussion and contact with people. I was picturing myself interacting with people. I really had the feeling of being someone fully integrated to the world and even if each individual is only 1/6 500 000 000^th of the world population I had the feeling that each singe individual accounted. At this moment I could feel that I was more self confident and fully aware to the others, if I would have been with people I knew I would have been nice and very understanding with them. I knew that if I would have done a coaching cession at that moment I would have listened to my coachee very well and I would have been able to feel what he/she wanted to say. 

I understood during that exercise some conditions I needed to feel that feeling that I’m calling presencing: I need my mind to be free of problems and not to think about anything from the everyday life which is bothering me. I can remember me feeling presencing and it was always after I was deliberated from a high amount of problems. To me, the harder part would be to feel that I’m free of problems. I need to find solution to put a powerful filter between my mind and my environment. I need to change my perception of what is problem and how they affect me.