My role as a coach:
Before this
week’s assignment, I decided to brush up on the five key processes, and read
about them just before I had my coaching meeting. I felt this made me focus
extra on my role as a coach, because I had it fresh in mind, and I was able to
think about it during the whole coaching session. When I was the coach, I
noticed that this time the questions came a bit more naturally. I found that I
was genuinely interested in learning the answers to my questions and to get
clarification about certain aspects.
What was
interesting this time, was that while I was trying to get a certain
clarification from my coachee, I felt that he continued to repeat some of the
answers he had already given. For me, this posed a challenge, because I didn’t
know how to ask the question differently, in order for him to better understand
what I was looking for. So I had to restrain myself from not asking leading
questions that would somehow influence his answer.
After the coaching
session, our observer mentioned that perhaps we were in fact talking about the
same thing, only we used a different vocabulary. This was clearer for him,
because he was observing the conversation and did not have the same mindset as
my coachee and I did. But the aspect of vocabulary really interested me. As a
coach you are supposed to help your coachee develop a deeper understanding for
his actions, and help him see things in a different way. But if our vocabulary
differs, how can we be sure that we in fact understand each other? So from now
on I will try and focus more on making sure that we both have the same
understanding of the issues at hand.
My role as a coachee:
As a coachee,
I was able to look at myself on a more personal level. My coach focused a lot
on asking clarifying questions – why did I feel the way I did? And even though
I might have had some ideas as to why before, having to articulate my thoughts
helped me realize that I am in fact somewhat bound by my fears. I fear what the
outcome will be if I make the wrong choice and I fear what people will think of
me if I choose the wrong option. So I tend to stay in my comfort zone, where
the risk of being judged is minimized. In a situation as the one I found myself
in this week, staying in the comfort zone feels safe. In reality, what often
happens is that after we have had a discussion about what to do, we take a
vote, and I will usually go with the majority, because I have faith in my
teammates being able to make the right decision. The question then becomes, why
don’t I have faith in myself? And this is what I tried to improve this week, by
taking a more active role and bringing another suggestion to the table.
My coach
also made an interesting remark when wondering how I stayed invisible. For me
it was never about being invisible. In fact, I don’t consider myself to be. I
actively share my reflections when discussing, the only thing is that I rarely
am able to say “this is better than this”. So even though I can assess whether
or not something is a good choice, I find it difficult to tell if it is better
or worse than another option. And this will always be the case. You can never
know up front what will happen in the future. For me this is difficult, because
I like to know that when I make a decision, it’s the right one. And I think
this is what is leading me to become a bystander in a group. I wish so badly to
see a hint of how the future will look like, so that I can assess it and assess
the options, and then make an informed decision. I need to learn how to let go
of this fear of making a mistake. I know it is human to make mistakes, and yet
when it comes to myself, I can’t accept it.
Ingrid Elisabeth Sørensen
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