Week 4 Coaching Assignment – Ladder of Inference

A while back I started working as a sales person in a clothing store. When I started out, I noticed that the other employees would sometimes talk behind the manager’s back, and they would complain about things they weren’t allowed to do, saying she was too strict and unreasonable. They would sometimes also include me in these conversations, and because I didn’t know the manager very well, I assumed that what they were saying was true. So instead of making up my own mind about the manager, I allowed them to make it up for me.

I noticed that I became slightly more negative to things she would say or do, or how she would say or do them. Even if it wasn’t that bad, because of what the others had said, I immediately reacted more negatively (on the inside) than I probably would have. I based my assumptions of the manager on observable “data” and experiences from the other workers there. They told me she was strict, so I believed them – I had no reason not to. So whenever our manager did something that could be perceived as unreasonable, I immediately collected this “data” as evidence of what my colleagues told me. I assumed that everything she did was because she was unreasonable, and I drew my conclusions, my opinion about her, solely on what my colleagues told me. So in the beginning I adopted their beliefs of her.

However, after a while I started to notice that my predetermined thoughts about her didn’t match her actions. My observable experience changed, and I realized she was not unreasonable, but firm in a good way. Her actions might only have been perceived as unreasonable if you didn’t understand the meaning behind them. I realized that there was a reason for here rules and ways of doing things. I got to know her better and eventually started disagreeing when the other employees would continue talk about her.

Even though what my coworkers would talk about were small things that annoyed them about our manager, it still made me see her in a more negative light than I would have, had they not talked about her. I let them decide how I should feel about our manager, and so it took me longer to realize how I felt about her, because I had to work through my prejudice. And I think this is a normal problem both in working relationships and in personal ones. Gossip, which I believe we can compare this to, can be quite hurtful. I notice that even when my friends just say something simple like “oh, he’s so annoying”, about a person I don’t know very well - even without giving a proper explanation - I will immediately view that person in the same light, and almost look for the annoying traits. So I think the power we have over others, in this sense, is quite scary. You might experience meeting someone for the first time, and realizing they’ve already made up their mind about you because of something someone else told them.

After my experience in the clothing store, I’ve become more aware of what kind of effect other people have on my beliefs, and I try harder not to let other people cloud my judgment.